September, so far, has been difficult.
Having accidentally met my ex’s daughter at Leeds Station on
the 1st, everything has been
up in the air. It’s not the job of this blog to go into details about personal
stuff, plus I don’t like to write about people without their knowledge but I do
have to say this. She’s been staying
with John and it’s been a nightmare.
Now she’s found a place to live and should be moving out
very soon. I’ve been finding it hard to cope, so much so, I started seeing a
counsellor again. I’m so glad I did because she’s amazing. I’ve only seen her
twice but I’m already making giant leaps of progress. She basically told me
that I can’t change the way I react to things. I am an emotional person (I
wouldn’t want to change that anyway as I believe it makes me a better writer)
and my moods will always be subject to change. The important thing is that I
now know when I’m in a down loop, and I can then do whatever it takes to switch
over to the up loop. Basically though I
will always have ups and downs. They make me who I am. I can’t tell you how
much better I feel. I’ve always wanted to be perfect, to try to get everyone to
like me. I finally realise I don’t have to do that. I’m OK the way I am, faults
and all.
Other news on the personal front is that I’ve finally ended
my ‘fling’ with a younger man. Again, this isn’t the place to go into details.
All I will say is that having made the decision, I feel lighter which has to be
a good sign.
I’m still not doing any writing but, for a change, I’m not
beating myself up about it. I will get back into the groove next weekend at Weetwood
when I attend a romantic writing retreat. I’m very much looking forward to
that. One of the ways I battle my blues is to keep meeting new people, trying new
things, making new friends. Next week I
start singing with the choral society and later today, I’m to a brief
performance of part of the music from Wagner’s The Flying Dutchman which is the
piece we will be working on. I don’t know the music at all so it will be a
challenge. With any luck it will be fun too.
Here’s hoping the rest of the month is amazing! For all of
us.
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